Can you believe it’s been a year since I started the journey to become a Godly wife?
Many of you were along for the ride… and what a wild one it was, yes? Well I wanted to re-release this series for those of you who did not participate… and for those who need to be reminded of why God calls us to SURRENDER.
Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands. (Ephesians 5:22-24 MSG)
I know, I know…
Am I really going to talk about… Surrendering? Submitting? Yielding?
We act like it’s a torturous concept, but it isn’t.
We joke as if it’s a form of bondage for us, but it’s not.
I’d like to suggest the problem is that we just don’t understand it.
And we need to. Because submitting God’s way versus submitting the world’s way is vastly different.
Surrendering to your husbands DOES NOT mean:
- Living like the Cleaver family
- Never having an opinion
- Dumbing down your level of intelligence or ability
- Allowing yourself to be walked on
- Being barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen
Not even a little.
Being surrendered is really all about us stepping into our God-created role as wives, which He designed to bring out the best in both you and your husband.
How do you know if you need to be… surrendered? Start by asking yourself these questions:
- Do you feel superior to your husband?
- Do you find yourself nagging him?
- Do you think life would be better if your husband did what you told him to do?
- Do you feel like the only adult in the family?
- Do you do things for your husband he is capable of doing himself?
- Do you find you’re disinterested in sex?
- Do you reject or criticize his gifts or complements?
- Do you feel hopeless about your marriage because your needs have gone unmet for so long?
- Do you find yourself angry when he makes a wrong decision?
- Do you fantasize about divorce or life with a man who would better match you?
If you answered YES to most of these, then chances are you’re not walking in the surrendered role God wants you to walk in.
Still with me?
Sisters, this has been an interesting journey for me over the past few months. At a friend’s suggestion, I’m reading a book called The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle (the above questions came from this book). While I don’t agree with everything, it’s offered some great advice and has been quite an eye-opener.
You know what I’ve discovered?
I’m not a surrendered wife.
But I am working on that now.
When I take a step back from C O N T R O L L I N G my husband, it allows him to take a step forward in being the L E A D E R that God’s called him to be.
And the most interesting things are happening, like…
His confidence as a husband and father is growing.
His authority at work is expanding.
He is assuming more of a leadership role at home.
He’s feeling better about who he is.
Why? Because I am… surrendering.
- I’m not reminding him of things he needs to do (like take out the trash or pick up his clothes).
- I’m learning to respect his ideas and suggestions (they are actually really good!).
- I’m graciously receiving his gifts and thanking him for them (and I am getting more of them).
- I’m expressing what I want without controlling the outcome (duct tape works well).
- I’ve turned over all household finances to him (and he’s doing a much better job than I was!).
I’m trying to be vulnerable instead of nag… Respect instead of demean… Be grateful rather than dissatisfied… Have faith in him rather than doubt.
And what I’m discovering is that – for me – it all boils down to a core struggle.
T R U S T.
That simple 5-letter word that is anything but… simple. At least not for me.
I’ll be honest… putting my full confidence in anyone but me is difficult. And while self-reliance worked fine in my single life, it doesn’t work well in my marriage.
Are you finding the same struggle?
But God is so gracious. He loves us too much to leave us where we are.
And in this season of my marriage… God is changing me. He’s showing me where I am out of alignment with His will for my role as wife. He is showing me that my lack of trust affects the health of our marriage.
And God wants our marriages to thrive.
I wonder, is your marriage… thriving?
Think about it. Control and intimacy are opposites. If we want one, we can’t have the other.
When we control our husbands, we aren’t trusting them.
Without trust, we can’t be vulnerable.
Without that vulnerability, intimacy is impossible.
Without intimacy, there isn’t an emotional connection.
And… when marriages lose emotional connection… they die.
That’s not okay with me. I hope it not okay with you, either.
I’m going to spend some time over the next few months unpacking this issue of… surrendering.
Will you journey through this with me?
REALITY CHECK: When we stop controlling our husbands, they have the room they need to lead.
©2013 Carey Scott
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