I’m glad you’re here!

Hi, I’m Carey -- a speaker, author, and life coach honest about my life and faith, stumbles, fumbles, and all.

My ministry focuses on helping women untangle their self-worth from the world and secure it in Jesus. And when we do, we’re free to live authentic lives… not perfect ones.

Sometimes the hardest one to forgive is yourself {An Untangled Summer study}

Last Tuesday, I blogged about my red-hot anger over a bully situation that deeply affected my son. I shared how hard I fought the school district because they hadn’t handled the situation properly.

And when they made it clear they had no intention of making right what they had let go wrong, I held on to anger for a very long time. It was terribly unhealthy.

Slowly that anger turned into bitterness, and the bitterness gave way to unforgiveness. For years, it was consuming. But over that time, God softened my heart … and I’d found a way to release the guilty parties from my hands, into God’s.

But even then, something about it still stirred my heart.

As I was typing out the details of the bully situation in my book Untangled because I share it in great detail there – God met me right in the middle of the story. In a way only He could, God revealed what had been stirring inside.

And as I sat there with my hands on the keyboard and tears running down my cheeks, I realized I hadn’t forgiven myself for not saving my son from harm.

… A good mom would have seen the situation for what it was and intervened sooner. What if my son is broken forever?

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When you don’t want to forgive {An Untangled Summer study}

When my son was in 3rd grade and the victim of a bully,

… and when we had to pull him from one school and move him to another in the middle of the year,

… and when we discovered the school had covered up their mistake of not supporting or reporting the situation,

… and when we met with the district administrators and school board to hold them accountable for the breakdown of procedure,

… and when they reminded me this was a scenario we’d never win,

… I was so filled with anger, and I wanted someone to pay.

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Why you are worth celebrating {An Untangled Summer study}

“What do you like about yourself?”

I asked this question to an online group of women the other day, not sure what to expect. You know, it’s always risky to ask women to share something they find “good” about themselves, because we don’t often focus on those things.

We’ve been conditioned to focus on our shortcomings instead — those places we don’t measure up.

We fret about our perky-less-ness. We obsess over the flabby. We spotlight our failures. We agonize about our lack of style. We trap ourselves in comparison. We’re bothered by our long list of not good enoughs.

But to my delight, women answered.

Lots of them.

Each response seemed to spark courage for the next, and the replies kept coming.

There’s something very powerful and attractive about a woman who knows she has something to offer – one who knows she has beauty… or wit… or kindness… or a talent… or the ability to love others well.

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The lie that says, “You’ll never be enough” {An Untangled Summer study}

“You are bad. You are dirty. And you’ll never be worth anything.”

Those were his parting words to me.

And as I walked out of that apartment — after he sexually abused me — those words began to tangle my 4-year-old heart…

… the heart that woke up feeling special, the heart that woke up knowing it was lovable, the heart that had always felt fully accepted.

But that heart wasn’t the same anymore.

Because I believed his words. I mean when you’re 4-years-old, adults are supposed to be trustworthy. Right?

I was bad. I was dirty. And I was worthless.

And here I am… 40-something years later… still believing him.

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